In honor of Ally’s birthday yesterday, I’m gonna have a proud mom moment and brag on my girl for a sec.

Last week, Ally jumped in the car super excited after school one day.  “Hey Mom, we ran a mile in PE today and guess what?”

I paused in anticipation…

“I was the fastest girl in the 4^th and the 5^th grade.  I even beat 2 boys! “

That’s my girl.

There’s something about winning, and competition, that lights a fire in us.  We get to prove how strong we are.  And I don’t know what it is, but you can ask any girl anywhere, and I’m pretty sure she’ll tell you that no matter how old we get, there is something really awesome about beating a boy.  It’s an innate thing we’re born with.  Men are built to be faster than we are, it’s scientific fact.  But since we have been labeled the “weaker sex”, it feels pretty darn good to prove that sometimes, we are stronger than you guys. That’s why I love the running shirt that I bought at some race Expo somewhere, that reads…Yeah, I run like a girl, try to keep up.

I’ve been hurt by a fair amount of boys in my life.  Including, but not limited to, that jerk football player in high school, who shall remain nameless, that made fun of me for not being as pretty as Ellen Halverson.  Whether intentional or not, some hurts are more significant than others.  I’ve had some pretty extreme hurts that are WAY more significant that what Mr. Football said to me as I stood there in my cheerleading outfit feeling deflated that fall afternoon in 1992. But, he had no way of knowing that what he said to me grew a seed of doubt that had already been planted in my mind at a young age – a belief that I was unlovable, unworthy, forgettable.  So, anyway, maybe that need to prove how strong I am, especially in the face of the opposite sex, is a self-preservation thing.  But the reality is, no matter how hard I try to prove myself as some fearless, badass chick, that’s all just exterior.  Inside, I’m just a girl with a bruised heart, who tries to pick up the pieces and keep on going.  But, really, that pretty much just makes me like everybody else, doesn’t it?

Ok, so I’m not as pretty as Ellen, I’ll be the first to admit the girl has always been gorgeous.  But I’m me.  And I’ll create beautiful in my own way.  I’ve got a big heart, with a huge capacity to love, despite all the trauma my heart has been through…that’s beautiful.  (I think the fact that I’m surrounded by so many Ahhhhh-mazing friends and family is proof of that.) I have a lot of faults; like, I bite my nails and I’m a terrible driver.  But I have a lot of good qualities too, like I accept responsibility for my mistakes and I possess a determination to always improve.  I’m never going to be perfect, but I’m also never going to stop challenging myself to do better.  I’m a fighter…that’s beautiful.  I talk too loud and I can admittedly be inappropriate sometimes but I’m honest and I’m genuine.  And I won’t pretend to be something I’m not…that’s beautiful.  Most importantly, I love to smile and I love to make other people smile. There is nothing better than seeing the reflection of my own smile on the faces of my children.  I think there is a quote about a smiling girl being a beautiful girl, or something like that.  So, there ya go.   I’ll speak truth through the madness and I’ll smile through my tears, and even though I may have puffy eyes and mascara stains on my face, I’m going to teach my daughter that she is loveable, worthy and unforgettable.  I’m going to teach her that just being who she is, is enough.  I’m going to teach her what true beauty looks like.  Beauty isn’t about being the skinniest or having perfect hair, it’s about knowing who I am, and being happy in that.  Running makes me confident; confidence is beautiful.  Beauty isn’t about how other people see you, but rather, how you see yourself. Beauty is about finding strength from within to combat the forces against us.  Beauty is about learning from our pain and celebrating our victories…especially if those victories include beating a boy.  😉

Ally and I at the Sunshyne Run and Worship in LA, Oct 2012